First of all let me say that this is not a anti-prayer post. I totally believe in the power of prayer. That being said, it does annoy me sometimes when I have to pray in public, or at family gatherings. My wife’s grandmother, who I love to death, thinks that for some reason, since I grew up a PK (preacher’s kid) and am now myself a preacher, my prayers carry some special weight. Same thing at Charlie’s cub scouts. Point is, anyone can pray. Preachers (or PKs) don’t have a special one way line to God. So on occasion I get annoyed when asked to pray. That may not be very Christ-like. Sue me, write comments to me, and think less of me, but sometimes I just don’t want to pray out loud. My friend Wes and I were talking yesterday about this very subject. He felt the same way. His mom makes him pray at all the family functions. So, in order to help Wes, myself and all you other not so crazy about praying out loud people, I offer the top ten phrases to say that will guarantee you won’t be asked again:
1. “Dear Lord, I want to first thank you for clearing up that touch of gonorrhea I had last month... “
Ok, so I don’t have ten. But I think that one will suffice.
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2. Father. Thank you for keeping our dear friend Osama Bin Laden safe from harm.
3. Lord, thanks in advance for how you will show all my dear relatives that they are lost and going to hell without Jesus.
4. Dear Sweet baby Jesus, my new job at the abortion clinic isn't working out so well, so if you could help me with finding a job with an escort service that would be great!
God, forgive me for using your name in vain last night when my meth lab blew up.
Oh Lord, thank you for these twelve casaroles we are about to eat after Papa Daniels funeral, and thank you that the old fart finally died so that I finally get to pray before the meal.
What up G?.....
please let no one smell that one I let go.
Thanks Lord for blessing me with two penises!!!
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